Feedback on Treatment
Comments from Miss. Nair on the treatment for The Adventures Of Dan and Alfie;
Wednesday 13 October 2010
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A little bit about yours truly . . .
- Sharon Uyinmwen
- Im 17 and I am a very driven individual, I believe hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard so I try my best to push myself and always do that little bit extra . .
Feedback on Treatment
ReplyDeleteComments from Miss. Nair on the treatment for The Adventures Of Dan and Alfie;
- hasn't been padded out - shocking to just lead to the mum leaving?
- don't have the software for the animation ideas you have
- the story needs to be stronger
- expecting more from us - something else
- depth is missing to the story
- creativeness is not flowed
- not grabbing
- need to improve the second half of the story!
- there has to be a BIG MOMENT keep the same story but play around with the order
- story isn't convincing as the mother would not leave her son with an alcoholic father
- it's twisted
- something go wrong when the mother leaves?
- end differently maybe?
*** instead of having the mother walking out have something going on behind the scenes. (Father abusing the mother) Make the mother the victim.
- the initial idea is good but the second half of the story doesn't fit.
- either work on it or start afresh
- think about how it can end
- you have a beginning now you need a middle and an end to make this story have layers and depth.